Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Lent draws near and I feel it while wiping down the kitchen on a Monday night...unprepared. I start the dishwasher and leave the pots and pans drying on the counter before flopping down on the couch, exhausted. I'm not ready for Lent.
At 34 weeks pregnant, I'm not ready for this new baby. The crush of each day bears down on me and I hardly get my breath before another begins. But Lent ends right at my due date and I'm not ready for either.
In the past, I've given up sweets or coffee. I've focused on deeper, more frequent prayer, specific intentions, growing my faith. This year, I'm growing another person and in the midst of deep pelvis pain, sleepless nights and aching back, I can't seem to focus on anything else. When I hardly have the energy to live our very basic, simple life, I realize it: I don't have the energy for Lent this year. Babies, like faith, are easier when living on the inside, in a dark and secret place, held carefully and quietly. It's when they are on the outside that things begin to get tough.
Truth be told, it snuck up on me. Lent means more this year - it means forty short days before I am supposed to somehow be ready. Maybe that is what is so hard for me to acquiesce to...that it's time to slow down and accept. That it's time to draw in, to reach up. That, perhaps, is what God calls me to this year: it's time to settle in and prepare.
So for this Lent, I'm gestating. Growing a baby inside and using these 40 days to allow myself to rest there. The temptation to take it all on and dash from one thing to the next is strong with me, so my Lenten path will be to let it be, and fully be in the space that God has placed me at this moment in time. With every pop of my hip and ache of my back, I'll be reminded to pray gratitude for His sufferings and for the new life He gives.
Do you participate in Lent?
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