O Root of Jesse, standing as a sign among the peoples;
before you kings will shut their mouths, to you the nations
will make their prayer: Come and deliver us, and delay no
O Radix Jesse
I feel like I'm slipping this week. Night after night, I've sent my little ones to bed and thought back on a day that flew by - and, worse, a day that I was not proud of. This week has been a tough one.
I'm not sure the disconnect, but it all seemed to come to a head last night. My husband and I went out to finish up some shopping, and standing in a brightly lit store with people all around grabbing boxes off shelves, my head started to spin. Then, pound. I told my husband I needed some air, and stepped out into the dark, crisp night.
Sometimes the chill of a dark night is what is needed to snap me back to reality.
Christmas this year seems to ring false, and no matter how hard I try to fight the feeling down with more peppermint flavored Christmas spirit, my own heart stings with hypocrisy. I wish I could say the cause was something noble, but in truth, I've just been feeling selfish. Selfish in every possible way. And when I feel so much ugliness inside, it is hard to see the beauty on the outside.
A friend posted the O Antiphons, and I've never seen them before - these ancient prayers for this time of year. They seem to fit just right, and I spend my day clinging to them.
In the middle of this dark night, this dark world, these words spark like flint. And like a certain little match girl, I hold my frozen hands up to the blaze.
O Come, Be Born in Us. In Me.
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